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ARTICLE: ROLES OF MAN AND WOMAN IN A MARRIAGE

Soon I will marry in Belarus with my love of 2 years. 

I met her in person on a trolley bus one fateful night and not from a dating agency, if you were curious. Over the years we have had huge arguments over differences of culture and tradition, mainly how I should "act" in public when visiting, and my "role" as a man.

I've learnt the hard way about the public displays of affection. The looks I got from a hundred people when she met me at the train station and I picked her up and spun her around. 

My problem is that she expects me to understand her entire culture, tradition, and know what to do as the man. She has never grasped my culture; it is probably too surreal for her. I am supposed to decide where and which house to live in, which car to buy, if she should work or raise a child; basically the major decisions about building a stable life for ourselves. I "felt" when talking with her that such decisions are for me to decide, and sometimes asking her only upsets her or makes her worry for some reason. Sometimes she thinks I am crazy or even worse... silly for my logic. 

I want to include her in any decisions of our future; it seems only normal to me, but logic doesn't work in their culture. 

Also, a piece of advice for other men:

• Always express your ability to do things
• Never complain about cost; i.e. not receiving exact change for a taxi cab.
• Never show emotions in public i.e. tired, sad, etc. It's a sign of weakness!
• Never think something else is better than their country can give. They think:
  their language is better
  their college is better
  their medical is better... this one I really have to lie to myself about.
  their country is safer.... they think our movies are real life. 

James (USA)

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